Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Dating Tip #8: If you must have the last word, try not to make yourself look (more) foolish!

I once spent 3 weeks dating the epitome of "my type". Shaved head, full sleeve, brawny, and a trades person. Sounds good, right?!? Sighhhhh, they always sound good in the beginning. I met him many years ago when we worked for the same company and he looked me up on Facebook to tell me he'd heard I was single. Well helloooo, a girl loves a guy that makes the first move...and I'd forgotten who he was!

SOOOO, I start dating this divorced father of 3. Listed below, in no particular order, are the red flags I should have noted!

1) He took 2 weeks to tell me he'd been divorced twice.
2) He owes both ex-wives child support.
3) He bounced his rent cheques.
4) He is on medication for anxiety.
5) He expected me to kiss him, like a full-on make out kiss!, in public. ew!
6) He did not take every opportunity available to him to spend with his kids, and hadn't spoken to his oldest daughter in MONTHS.
7) He couldn't pay his bills but would gamble $200 a time in the VLT's!
8) He NEEDED to talk to me every single mothertrucking day.

Sadly enough, except for #'s 6 and 8, I was trying to be very accepting of everything. Finally, with encouragement and support and many exclamations of "OMG, there is NO way you will be able to handle that sort of irresponsibility!!" from my Wolfpack, I finally accepted that it was time to pull the chute on this hot mess that shall hereafter be known as DeadbeatDAD!

Being a coward, and far more macho than I like to admit, I did the guy thing..and unconsciously (but purposely? yikes!) didn't answer his calls one night..or his texts...or his voicemails...or his facebook messages..and seriously men, NEVER leave a total of 27 messages in different places for a woman. It screams..CRAAAZYYYYYYYY!!! The next morning I texted him and apologized and he proceeded to pick a fight because we didn't speak the night before. I took it as a perfect opportunity to end this, and THEN the text messages and phonecalls REALLY started. Our last conversation went as follows"

DBD: "Is it wrong that I think I should hear from my girlfriend every night?"
Me: "Not wrong, but a little strange! Life happens, sometimes people with kids get busy"
DBD: "I don't think there is any reason to ever get so busy you can't call your boyfriend!"
ME: "What if I'm high on all the coke I snorted off a hooker's thigh? What if I'm busy with all the other men I see? What if my BDSM game got out of hand and I couldn't shout FIRETRUCK in time to get them to untie me?"
DBD: "That's not funny"
Me: Well I said nothing, I had just cracked myself up and was busy giggling and snorting....
DBD: "I can see you're not ready for this discussion"
Me: "Sure I am! Here's the deal: you seem to be under the impression that you have the right to make demands of me. Your behaviour is coming across as needy and controlling and quite frankly, it's a dealbreaker. BYE"
DBD: "bye, I guess"

I thought that was the end of it...until 7 hours later when I received a text message from my very recently dumped ex. What it said: "Just as an FYI, your behaviour was a dealbreaker too".

I was certainly put in my place. I exhibited unacceptable behaviour when I broke up with him. LOL! I was now adequately shamed. I should probably have crawled back, hey? Orrrrrrr I could just let him have the last word and move on to my next unsuspecting victim! Here's hoping for a combination deadbeat dad/herpes sufferer. cmon dating gods, bring it on! :p


  1. OMG S....that is freakin crazy. Glad you got out of it...before he became even more crazy stalkerish. BAH! single is the way to be....fuck em and leave em :) hehe

  2. I love stupid stalker stories. Makes all of my men seem so normal.

  3. Kimberly, where do you find these "normal" men? Is there a warehouse type place?